Life is short, available free time is even shorter, so why suffer from any heart-breaking and self-damaging mom anger issues at any point in your life as I did for nearly 15 years? I became a mom at the tender age of 20. I thought I was ready since I was ready enough to have (unprotected) sex whenever my body desired. So when the preggo test came up positive, I knew abortion was out of the question; however, what I didn’t know was that I really wasn’t ready for motherhood.
I have 3 simple to do (simple not to do) steps to overcome stress and overwhelm if that is what you are feeling right now – and even some of the shame that can tag along with those two ugly besties. Because, here’s the reality, NO ONE needs the anxiety as a married mom who doesn’t have a lot of time to be stressed, overwhelmed, and anxious due to mom anger issues that can sneak up on you when you least expect.
Prepare Yourself to Have Mom Anger Issues
Denial. It’s the number one thing (in my opinion) that brings on the guilt and shame that quickly follows a mom anger episode. You will get angry for no apparent reason. You will have moments of sudden outbursts that cause your child to look frightened and scared. You will have moments of shame and isolation where you internally beat yourself up for losing your ? and do more to “make up” for it, burning yourself out in the process.
Don’t do that. Being angry doesn’t justify self-damnation or any required “make-ups” you think you need to do beyond an apology.
Using manipulation tools (yes, these are manipulation tools, like extra dessert or screen-time, etc.) to make you “feel better” during mom anger moments will add to your shame AND send your kids the wrong message…a very wrong message.
Coach Andi, Mom of 10
Listen, as a mom of 10…to ten separate and distinctly unique, I-can-piss-mom-off personalities, came forth from my body. Mom anger issues pretty much began on Day 3 of motherhood. Now, that’s me…maybe you got to Day 362, whatever the case… mom anger is real and the last thing you want to do right now, is deny it. The point is, motherhood isn’t always made of wishful thinking and fairy-dust promises. As HUMAN mothers go, mom anger is pretty much a guarantee.
And that’s OKAY.
What’s NOT okay is denying it will ever happen to you, self-damning yourself, and living with the fear of judgment and anxiety that can eat you alive causing… yup, you guessed it, even MORE mom anger episodes. It’s a vicious cycle and your kids WILL pick up on it and being to project what they are feeling from you, onto others. This is what you want to prevent, stop, and/or acknowledge and address.
So, first things first…After raising my firstborn to over 23 years old, and still having a toddler in the home (AND one on the way), I’ve found the secret to living a Zen life: calm, cool, and collected (96% of the time) without the stress and overwhelm. It literally only took 3 easy to do (easy not to do) simple (yet intentional) steps to overcome mom anger.
Admit: Mom Anger Is Real for You (Got Angry)
Do you get angry with your kids? If you’re like most moms, the answer is probably yes. It’s okay to admit that mom anger is a real thing. In fact, it’s more than okay – it’s necessary! The first step in fixing any problem is acknowledging that there is one. So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, and ashamed of your mom anger, please know that you are not alone. This is the first step – dealing with mom anger in a healthy and productive way by realizing it happens to you and you are NOT alone.
WHY: It might be something small, like a messy room, or something more serious, like a child’s gross disobedience. No matter what the trigger is, it’s important to address it head-on (how you react, not the trigger itself), because believe it or not, it IS a common issue for most moms out there who have… oh you know…emotions!
Anger Triggers
No matter what the trigger is, mom anger needs to be addressed head-on and ACKNOWLEDGED because mom anger isn’t just an annoyance, it’s actually detrimental to your mental health and can lead to other issues that will affect your family as well. Denying mom anger only delays the inevitable – mom anger issues, bitterness, tears, mom-guilt up to your eyeballs, and even feelings of hopelessness and isolation.
Accept: Self-Forgiveness
The mom anger is real, and you’re not alone. You are doing the best you can, even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. So please, be easy on yourself – mom guilt is NOT productive and will only make things worse. Forgiveness is key.
Start by acknowledging your mom anger, accepting that it’s a part of motherhood, and learning how to address it in a productive way. Just by doing these things, you’re already on your way to becoming a happier mom – and isn’t that what we all want?
Remember that your children need you to be the best version of yourself, so take a deep breath, momma. You got this.
Apply: Self-Love & Represent
If mom anger is something you struggle with, it’s important to find ways to represent and understand your experience in a healthy way. This might look like journaling, talking to a therapist, or even just venting to a friend.
It’s also crucial that you make time for things that make YOU happy. This can be anything from reading, going for a walk, taking a yoga class, or getting a pedicure. Whatever it is that brings you joy, make sure to do it regularly – momma deserves it! And last but not least, cut yourself some slack. No one is perfect, and that includes you. So please, be easy on yourself and extend the same grace to yourself that you would to your child. After all, you are worthy of love and happiness just as much as they are.
Mom anger is real, but it doesn’t have to rule your life. Just by acknowledging, accepting, and addressing it in a productive way, you’re already on your way to becoming a happier mom. So take a deep breath, momma.
Here are 15 Steps to take in the moment you feel out of control!
What Mom Anger Really Means
Do you get angry with your kids? If you’re like most moms, the answer is probably yes. It’s okay to admit that mom anger is a real thing among parents. In fact, it’s more than okay – it’s necessary! The first step in fixing any problem is acknowledging that there is one. So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, and ashamed of your mom anger, take some deep breaths and please know that you are not alone. In this blog post, we will discuss some strategies for dealing with mom anger in a healthy and productive way – even if you get frustrated with the small things.
It might be something small, like a messy room, or something more serious, like a child’s disobedience. No matter what the trigger is, it’s important to address it head-on, because believe it or not, it IS a common issue for most moms out there who have emotions.
No matter what the trigger is, mom anger needs to be addressed head-on because mom anger isn’t just an annoyance, it’s actually detrimental to your mental health and can lead to other issues that will affect your family as well. Hoping that it will just “go away” and continuing to pretend you don’t have a temper is just going to lead to some favorable consequences.
Denying that you have angry mom moments only delays the inevitable – mom anger issues, bitterness, tears, mom-guilt up to your eyeballs, and even feelings of hopelessness, denying your own feelings, and isolation from your kids in some form or fashion (like emotionally). We’re here to talk it out, address your feelings, limit the yelling, and become more aware of the so many reasons that angry mom moments occur.
The Angry Mom Days Nobody Really Talks About
Why are moms so angry?
Lack of (emotional and mental) self care, because there comes a time when there’s a breaking point for moms. This tends to lead to developing a bad habit of unprocessed emotions and missing out on the joy of being a fun mom.
The mommy burnout epidemic is real, and it might just be the thing that’s causing you to have angry mom moments. It’s not uncommon for moms to feel like they’re failures when they can’t do it all – which leads to feelings of shame, resentment, and anger. It’d be no surprise that you feel guilty too, especially during the early years of motherhood.
When mom guilt takes over, it can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Moms are so hard on themselves, and it doesn’t help that society has incredibly high standards for mothers.
Bottom Line: How do I stop being a mean mom?
It may be a few months, but if you add some of these tips to your to do list, you just may begin to feel like a happy mom and end getting angry easily! Just know that you are not the only one who struggles to stay calm – many moms feel stressed and angry in the moment. With all the things moms go through, like postpartum depression, anger issues just seem to come with the territory.
STOP BEING ANGRY FOR GOOD
ADMIT
Do you get angry with your kids? If you’re like most moms, the answer is probably yes – and this does not make you a bad mom. It’s okay to admit that feeling like an angry mom is a real thing. In fact, it’s more than okay – it’s necessary!
The first step in fixing any problem is acknowledging that there is one – an inner angry person. So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed out, and ashamed of your your own feelings, please know that you are not alone; there is no reason to feel ashamed.
This is the first step – dealing with mom anger in a healthy and productive way, is by realizing it happens to you and you are NOT alone when you are feeling angry.
WHY: It might be something small, like a messy room, or something more serious, like a child’s gross disobedience. No matter what the trigger is, it’s important to address it head-on (how you react, not the trigger itself), because believe it or not, it IS a common issue for most moms out there who have… oh you know…emotions! Moms struggle with this more than you realize!
ACCEPT: The second step to mom anger management is accepting that it’s a part of motherhood – just like the late nights, the early mornings, the never-ending laundry, and the list goes on. You will never be able to avoid mom anger altogether (and you shouldn’t try to), but you CAN learn how to deal with it in a productive and positive way.
So mom, the next time you’re feeling angry, remember these three steps: acknowledge, accept, and address it right then and there. Just by doing these things, you’re already on your way to becoming a happier mom – and isn’t that what we all want?
Don’t fight it… Accept it that it’s real and a part of your life – denying it will only prolong it.
APPLY
How does an angry parent affect a child?
The answer may depend on how the anger is expressed. An explosive parent who yells, threatens, or openly criticizes may damage a child’s self-esteem and sense of security. More passive aggressive behavior can also be hurtful; the silent treatment, sulking, or giving the “cold shoulder” communicates rejection just as powerfully as words do.
Of course, not all anger is bad. A parent who sets clear boundaries, sticks to rules, and expresses disappointment in a child’s behavior in an appropriate way can teach children respect and self-control. It’s the type of anger expression that matters, not necessarily the presence or absence of anger itself.
Got Triggers?? Why do moms get angry so easily?
Many parents feel the weight of the world on their shoulders – whether they have three kids, twins, or welcoming a second child in the family, most moms don’t even realize what’s happening until it’s too late.
We’re so used to being the ones who have to hold everything together and be strong for everyone else that we forget to take care of ourselves. And when we don’t take care of ourselves, our mom anger starts to show.
We try to stop being an angry mom, but the feelings are so overwhelming, we tend to become a control freak in other areas of our lives (like how things are cleaned or put away) in order to feel a sense of control of something – even if it’s not our own emotions.
Figure Out When Your Angry mom moments occur the most.
Think about it, is it when your husband works that you get angry more often than not? What are the kids up to when dad isn’t around? Is it easier when family is around to help? What about your friends and parents? Who do you think you could talk to to help with the kids so that you can get some calming alone time?
Now that you have an idea of when mom anger occurs, start to brainstorm what the triggers are.
- Is it when the kids don’t listen?
- Is it when you feel like you’re not good enough?
- Is it because you’re tired and just need a break?
Start to come up with a list of mom anger triggers and try to be as specific as possible. Once you have your list, see if there are any common themes.
- Do all of the triggers have to do with feeling overwhelmed?
- Do they all involve the kids in some way?
- Is there a particular time of day that is more challenging for you than others?
By identifying these things, you can start to come up with a plan to address them.
If you find that mom anger is usually triggered by feeling overwhelmed, see if you can delegate some tasks to others or come up with a system to help you keep track of what needs to be done. If the kids are the main trigger, see if there are ways to get them more involved in their own lives so that they’re not always underfoot or needing your attention. And if there’s a particular time of day that is more challenging, try to plan for some down time during that period so that you can recharge and avoid getting angry.
By taking these steps, you can start to address your angry mom moments head-on and hopefully prevent it from happening as often. Remember, mom anger is normal and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We all have our moments! Just try to be mindful of the triggers and take steps to address them. With a little bit of effort, mom anger can be a thing of the past.
How do I control my anger as a mother?
You have to have your basic needs met. The way you feel angry can definitely affect the way the kids feel. If you’re trying to control your anger and it’s not working, the first thing you need to do is make sure that your basic needs are being met…and we’re talking daily; and at the very least, weekly!
Are you getting enough sleep? Are you eating well? Are you getting some time for yourself? If not, then that’s likely why mom anger is still an issue. Once you start taking care of yourself, you’ll be surprised at how much easier it is to control your anger.
In addition to meeting your own needs, take a look at your environment and see if there are any changes that need to be made. Is the house too cluttered? Are the kids’ schedules too packed? Is there too much noise in the house? Making small changes to your environment can make a big difference in how you feel and can help reduce mom anger.
Finally, if you’re still struggling to control your anger, it’s important to seek out professional help. A therapist can help you understand your triggers and find healthy ways to deal with mom anger. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help! Mom anger is a reality for many mothers but it doesn’t have to be a permanent fixture in your life. With a little effort, you can control mom anger and create a calmer, happier home for everyone.
How can I control my anger with my child?
If you’re struggling to control your anger with your child, it’s important to take a step back and understand what might be triggering the anger. Is it something that happened during the day? A behavior your child is doing? Or is it something else entirely?
Once you identify the trigger, you can start to brainstorm ways to deal with it. If your child’s behavior is the main trigger, there are a few things you can do.
First, try to understand why the behavior is happening. Is your child acting out because they’re tired or hungry? Or are they trying to get your attention? Once you understand the reason behind the behavior, you can start to address it .
If your child is acting out because they’re tired, see if you can put them to bed earlier or create a better bedtime routine. If they’re acting out because they’re hungry, make sure they’re eating regular meals and snacks throughout the day. And if they’re trying to get your attention, find ways to give them one-on-one time each day.
The best thing you can do… is NOT ignore thsee triggers. Take a moment to always find the source. You may not realize it, but it may stem from your own childhood past.
How do I stop being a grumpy mom and feel mom angry most of the time?
It’s important to understand that mom anger is normal and it doesn’t make you a bad mom. We all have our moments! The key is to be mindful of the triggers and take steps to address them.
If you find yourself getting angry often, try to keep a journal of your triggers. What happened right before you got angry? Was there a particular situation or event that set you off? Once you identify your triggers, you can start to work on finding solutions.
One mom anger trigger could be feeling overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done. To combat this, try making a list of all the things that need to be done and then prioritize them. Start with the most important tasks and then work your way down. Delegate tasks to other family members if possible.
Another mom anger trigger could be feeling like you’re not doing enough or that you’re failing as a mom. This is a common mom stressor! Remember that you are doing the best you can and cut yourself some slack. Be sure to schedule in some “me time” to do things that make you happy.
If you can identify your mom anger triggers and take steps to address them, you’ll be well on your way to reducing your stress and feeling more in control. Just remember that it’s okay to be angry sometimes – we’re all human!
So what can you do about it – really? How can you kill your mom anger before it takes over you?
How Do You Get Rid of an Angry Mom?
If you want to create a calmer home for you children, despite having a bad day, then you’re going to need the help of your family and kids to help you in your moments you are feeling angry and out of control – yes, that means giving the control freak inside you, a much-needed vacation!
And it starts with these three easy steps:
Acknowledge your mom anger. Don’t try to sweep it under the rug or convince yourself that you’re not angry. Recognize that you are feeling mom anger and allow yourself to feel it. Don’t judge yourself for feeling mom anger, just let it be.
Identify the source of your mom anger. Once you’ve acknowledged that you’re angry, try to figure out what has triggered this emotion. Is it something that happened at work? Did your child do something that upset you? Or are you just feeling overwhelmed and stressed in general? Once you know what has caused your mom anger, you can start to address the issue head-on.
Express your mom anger in a healthy way. Now that you know what has caused your mom anger and you’ve acknowledged the emotion, it’s time to express it in a healthy way. This doesn’t mean that you need to lash out or scream at someone, but it does mean that you should find an outlet for your mom anger. Maybe you can write about it, talk to a friend about it, or even just punch a pillow. The important thing is that you find a way to release the mom anger in a way that won’t harm yourself or others.
If you can follow these three easy steps, mom anger won’t be such a big issue in your life anymore. You’ll be able to address it head-on and…mom anger will be a thing of the past! Thanks for reading and I hope this was helpful. Bye for now, friends. And remember, if you’re ever feeling mom anger, just follow these three easy steps! Thanks for reading! momma out! :)”
How do you handle it when the anger or frustration with your kids is overwhelming?
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